Vanderpump Rules recap: Tom and Tommer

Our long national nightmare is finally over: TomTom has officially opened! This honestly feels like it’s been a 10-year process to get this cocktail bar off the ground (Vanderpump Rules has only had 7 seasons but whatever!).

We open with the gang all getting spiffy for the big night…and discussing Lala’s rage issues. Ariana once again comes out saying that Lala needs to get her emotions in check and maybe seek some therapy. Her man, meanwhile, is mostly focused on his $18,000 motorcycle and sidecar situation that he’s planning on debuting at TomTom. Sandoval and Schwartz are wearing matching white suits which makes them a little reminiscent of the matching tuxes in Dumb and Dumber.

But Sandoval’s excitement over showing Schwartz the motorcycle is maybe the most romantic thing ever to happen on Vanderpump—sorry Jax’s proposal. Sandoval is utterly giddy while talking about driving up to Schwartz’s apartment. Then, when Schwartz sees it he is similarly gleeful. I can only imagine Katie is somewhere staring out the window, taking deep breaths but seething with rage. She’s upset with her husband for not spending enough time with her and being a crappy partner. It feels a litttttle ill-timed given that he’s finally opening his business and has struggled to find a career for the last few years.

At the opening, Brittany decides to defy her doctor’s orders and drink booze. Ummmmm there’s a lot of bad decision-making that happens on this show but I don’t recall ever seeing someone openly ignore their medical professional’s advice. She seems to think that if she just drinks the booze as a shot, then it will be okay. GOOD LUCK JAX!!

Katie is once again feeling neglected at the TomTom opening. Schwartz is bouncing around but it doesn’t feel like he’s openly ignoring her—he’s just busy being the party host. Katie takes a break from being mad to tell Lala she’d like to skinny dip with her on this vacay. Then, Stassi asks Lala about what went down at Billie’s brunch. Lala is pretty open and admits she went in on Raquel. But then Lisa calls her over for a chat about the same incident and Lala flips her story. Uh, Lala, this was filmed. Lisa is a little confused by Lala’s “I was perfectly reasonable” story and asks Scheana to talk about the brunch too. Scheana doesn’t really defend Lala but also doesn’t condemn her. I sense this will be a topic on the Mexican vacay.

Then, we have the standard packing sequence where they all debate what ensembles they should bring. Stassi is stressed because she has to “write’ during the vacation. Jax and Brittany are stressed because they haven’t even finished planning their engagement but they’re taking this vacation. Brittany attempts to get Jax to agree upon some wildflower arrangements but he’s appalled that they’re not free. But Sandoval is not anxious at all because he has a brand-new hat box! Crisis averted for those who want to bring wide-brim hats on vacay!

The gang all makes it to the airport but somehow Scheana and Schwartz get upgraded. When Katie boards the plane and sees this, her eyes glow red with fire. She asks Schwartz to trade with her and he says no. She’s annoyed because she loves to travel with him because they can share headphones and watch movies. Sorry, Katie but I wouldn’t give up a steak dinner to watch Coco with you either.

When they finally land, Schwartz reveals that Katie has been “rage texting” him all flight long. Uh oh. The vacation hasn’t even started yet. Once they get to the hotel, the other couples all size up their rooms for where they can, as Jax puts it, “feed the hog.” I think you can guess what Jax is referring to. Katie and Schwartz though just start yelling at each other. She still feels really neglected and he thinks she’s being a wet mop. No hogs getting fed in this room. To be continued…

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